Meltdown

I just read something about homecoming on the Stennis wives' page and... I kind of lost it. I got up and checked on the kids, and Audrey had snuck into my bed (she does this sometimes and i have to move her back to hers). I was going to move her, but then I thought for now, until I go to sleep, it's okay. I turned back to leave the room. I felt so restless. I just had to move. My gaze landed on the picture of me & Jimmy sitting on our dresser... we were sitting on a late night train from Chicago back home to Waukegan. Our heads were together, foreheads touching, smiling. He was looking at me with that sexy grin that he does. That look. My god.

I walked out of the room and sat on the stairs and burst into tears.

I don't know why, exactly. I missed the frg meeting yesterday... and it was such a huge one. They gave all the information about homecoming. A friend gave me the info. this evening post meltdown-crying-jag-on-the-stairs, so that was nice.

I just... ache for him. I tried to write him to explain it, I tried to think of some beautifully poetic metaphor for what it was like being without him, being so close to having him home again.

I wrote:

...and then ofcourse the reunions will happen...

 and i'll be whole again.

anyway...
i just miss you so much, you know? it just hurts. it's so close now i can feel it. but i can't, too. it's... like...

i don't know. i can't write anything poetic sounding right now, i'm tired. i'm tired of feeling like writing poetic things about how much i miss you, because i'm tired of missing you. i'm tired of missing you.

i want to go to sleep now so that i can wake up and it's one day less and we're one day closer... i'm just going to put this stupid day behind me and move on.

What can  say? He's my everything. He's been gone for seven months and sometimes I'm not sure if I remember what it's like to be kissed, to be held, to be made love to, to see his smile, to hold his hand.

God I can't talk about it... I just can't. I want it now. This is torture! The anticipation is torture!

Goodnight... when I wake up, it'll be one more day behind me. A stupid day at that, Valentine's Day. While I didn't get flowers, I did get a wonderful phone call. He loves me with all his heart.

Pop Up Card with Vellum Paper & Sewing!

I made this card tonight & am so thrilled with it. It's the first time I've ever: (1) made a pop up card, (2) used vellum paper, and (3) did some hand sewing on the card.

What do you think? Likes? Dislikes? Let me know!

Front View

Inside View

Maybe the inside is missing something, but I'm too tired to work on it anymore tonight.

Valentine's Day "Tree"

Audrey just adores it. :)

Card Folder

After lovely baby showers, making & writing thank you cards seemed like a very daunting task. Plus, I still had to unpack all the gifts & organize the baby's room, & & &! So, for my friend, Brenda, I decided the perfect gift would be a set of already made thank you cards.

Today I made a folder to hold them. I'm very happy with the way it turned out. I followed a very good tutorial here. Thanks Hand Stamped By Lacey!

I hope my friend really enjoys my latest project. I had so much fun making it for her. Can't wait to meet the beautiful baby boy that will be arriving soon.

Baby Shower Thank You Card

What do you think?

Lazy Day Couch Cuddles

Today, I miss lazy day couch cuddling the most. I want to cuddle on the couch with him and feel him against me, his arms wrapped around me. We'd probably talk about how lazy we were feeling, what we wanted to do today, what we wanted to eat. We'd drink coffee. We'd be warm, and together. You don't really realize how truly awesome those moments are until you haven't experienced them for a while. I guess that's not true though, I've always felt those moments are awesome even while they were happening. Probably especially while they were happening. A blanket is no substitute for my man's arms. I like how during those moments he takes up a lot of my senses. I can smell him, feel him, see him. Sometimes I taste him, lol. Couch kisses are lovely. His absence is this void in me, in my heart, in my life, in my happiness. I long to have him back, to have him home.

"You're Just Too Good To Be True"

I can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch, I want to hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true.

I fell asleep last night singing that song, remembering when we were first dating. I remember that morning so vividly. He made me coffee (knowing I'd been up late with him the night before, and knowing I was probably in need of a pick-me-up) and brought it to me at the hostess stand. He had added some of the most delicious real (I honestly don't think I'd ever had the real stuff before) whipped cream from the back. He sang that song that morning while he worked, before the store opened, and kept smiling at me. Come to think of it, I think he was up at the hostess stand more than usual, he kept finding excuses to be up there, or in the bar across the partition. Cleaning the wood, like Paul always told us to do, but that no one ever really did. I can't be sure, it's been so long since those days. But, I do know that liked me. I was, naturally, already head over heels.

Last night wasn't anything particularly special, he just got the chance to call. And that's all that it takes, hearing his voice, being reminded that he loves me. That's all I need.

I'm taking this writing class, and I feel like now more than ever, I want- I long- to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I want to do it well, but every sentence is a struggle. I'm a picky person when it comes to certain things, and my writing is one of them.

I've said I love him so many times I find it hard to come up with a new way to say it. Do you know love like this? Does anyone? I mean, this love is indescribable and unbelievable. I have to shake myself sometimes to realize I'm not dreaming. This is my life. He is my man. He is my heart and I'm his, and we have our whole lives to spend together, growing more in love every single day.

I'm the luckiest woman alive. I truly am. I long for the days when he's home again, back in my arms. We'll have a period of adjustment as usual, and it will even be awkward. I'll be nervous, and so self concious. I can't wait until I'm kissing his lips again.

I told him I wanted to punch a couple in the movie theater because they were kissing and being cute and he laughed and said, "I'll give you kisses when I get home. Y'know, just one, maybe two. But still, kisses none the less." I duly informed him he wouldn't stop kissing me until he had to leave again. It's true. He won't. I'll make sure of it.

We are looking at some very happy times in our not too distant future. Very happy times.

Have I mentioned I'm madly in love with Jimmy Tedder? I hope everyone knows love like this.

My Mission

My mission today is to get this house on it's way to being cleaner & to complete one of the "big to-do"s (these include things like rearrange the furniture in the bedroom, organize the kids clothing and get rid of the too small stuff, organize closets, taking the couch cushion covers off and washing them, etc).

I think today I will work on cleaning the downstairs and organizing -& possibly if i get to it, rearranging the furniture in- my bedroom. I also would like to hang the curtains up in my bedroom finally. Most of the other windows have curtains now, but not ours, and I have everything I need so I don't know why I haven't gotten around to it yet.

A few other goals for today are (1) play school with Audrey & practice writing letters and (2) have alone play time with Jacob while Audrey naps. We'll work on his standing and pulling up and talking and we'll play games like "ride the horsie" (bounce on my knee) and peek-a-boo and "oops you dropped it". He recently learned this game. I'll put him in his jumper or high chair or swing and give him a toy. He'll drop it and listen to the sound it makes when it hits the floor. I'll say "Oops! You dropped it!" and I'll hand it back. Eventually I'll switch the toy to one that will make a different sound. We use blocks, plush toys, rattles, etc. He loves it and grins. He doesn't laugh as much as I remember Audrey laughing at this age and I don't really know why. But, I'm not really worried about it. He's clearly happy and healthy and on the right track developmentally.

Maybe we can even go for a walk today if it doesn't rain the whole time. Well, those are my goals for today.

I better get to work! :D

Snowmageddon!!!

Day 1 of the big snow storm was lovely. We did some sledding, snowman building, and snowball fights. Oh & snow angels. But its day 2 now and I'm feeling cabin fever. I missed all my classes this week because of this dumb weather, and I need to go grocery shopping. Hopefully Saturday I can still have my night out. Idk what I'm going to do. Everyone is busy so I think I'll just see a movie and buy a bottle of wine to drink at home. I know it sounds lame but I am really looking forward to it.
The Stennis officially turned over the responsibility of the Arabian Sea to the Lincoln today, which means my one and only, my whole world, my heart of hearts is on his way home to me. Finally. :)


We built Daddy's ship. :)


Isn't he just the cutest?



Snow Angel!

Express Reboot

A few months ago my friend told me he was doing a juice fast after watching the documentary Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead. I found the movie on Netflix & watched it. I was convinced that juicing fruits & vegetables would be a great way to get a lot of nutrients at once.

So, for Christmas I purchased a good juicer. And now, I'm starting my first 5 day juice fast. I am very excited. This morning's juice consists of 6 kale leaves, 2 cups of spinach, 4 celery stalks, 1 inch cube ginger root, 2 apples, & half a cucumber put through the juicer.

It is surprisingly delicious.
This 5 day plan will clean out my system, make me healthier, and will also help me shed some unwanted pounds.

Let It Be

This morning I came to realize once again that I'm losing the battle I'm always fighting with life- the battle of keeping my house clean.

Honestly I know I should set aside more time to clean, but I feel that even if cleaning is all I did during nap times and after bed times the house still wouldn't be clean.

Some people are born cleaners, actually enjoy it all the time. I am not one of those people.

Anyway, in other news, Audrey and I have taken to building living room forts lately. She loves it. Today we "played school" in the fort, looking at flash cards & trying to write the letters on her magna-doodle. I'm thinking i'll make her a report card with straight A's and smiley faces to mail to Daddy.

I love playing with her, she has such a great imagination.

I constantly worry that I'm doing things wrong. Does that ever go away? I get so short tempered with her sometimes. It's just so hard without Jimmy here to help me...

I miss him terribly. I constantly worry about him, too. Cranking, having a miserable time, about to spend another birthday on that ship away from home, from family and friends. *sigh* Just a bit longer... of course he'll go out again a month later. But we're NOT thinking about that. Of course not. That would just be silly. You really want to know what I like to think about?

Vegas.
Me & him, some snazzy hotel, putting the "do not disturb" sign up...

We've never had a vacation together. I bought the tickets, hotel reservation, and blue man group tickets all the other day. My excitement is palpable.

Until next time,
The (messy but happy)housewife

P.S. photos are from my phone. I made the wreath. The kids loved playing with light up toys in the fort. & we emailed the bath picture to Daddy. He loved it.

Just some thoughts

Today we went grocery shopping. I tried to pay my first payment for my classes at the school but the building was closed. I hope I can pay over the phone. After the kids take their naps we will go turn in a red box movie and go to Jo Ann's to buy materials for my next project. It's going to be a doll stroller seat. Audrey broke Hayla's while sitting in it, so I figure the least we can do is make her a pretty new one.

Tomorrow is my first class. I'm very excited! I'm dreading having to buy books though, but that's unavoidable.

Look what Audrey chose at the grocery store instead of Dora or Princess...

New Cell Phone

I got a Droid! It's awesome! I love it.

New Friendships

Well, it's past my bed time, but that's about the only time when I ever get a chance to update this blog.

We are doing well these cold & rainy days of late December. Christmas turned out much more successful than I'd imagined. Audrey loved her presents, and Jacob has had a lot of fun with his new things as well. We went to eat Christmas dinner with Jeanette & her family. We met over 9 months ago when both our families were on the way to Seattle on the ferry. Audrey saw Hayla, Hayla saw Audrey, and they were immediate best friends. They danced, hugged, kissed, played ring around the rosy, while we parents looked on in amazement. How easy it is for two year olds to make friends! If only we could walk to a perfect stranger and play a game of ring around the rosy- it would definitely be a conversation starter! LOL!

Anyway, Jeanette and I exchanged phone numbers. Since neither of our girls have many little friends their age, we decided play dates were a must. It seemed like fate, or God, or the universe, what-have-you, had other plans however. We were unable to get together until Christmas this year. It was like the girls met on the ferry the day before though, once again they were immediately best buds and playing together.

It makes me so happy to hear Audrey talk about her new friend and how much fun she has with her. And I'm excited to have some new friends, too.

I spent a while moping about my lack of friends when I first came back from my trip in Texas. After being around family for so long & returning to my home full of Jimmy's things, being constantly reminded of him & not having friends to distract me, I was sure I'd spend the last four months of the deployment in a depression. But, just a few weeks after my return, I met Ali. Ali is a fellow stennis wife and we've been hanging out regularly since we first did, on Halloween. She helped me take the kids trick or treating, and I fed her dinner in return. After that she came over about once a week for a while and we'd eat dinner, drink a bottle of wine, and talk for hours. She is a wonderful new friend and I'm so happy we met.

And now I have Jeanette for a new friend, and I just love her. She's so kind & must be a wonderful mother; Hayla is clearly a very bright, kind, and well mannered girl. I'm excited to hang out with her more.

Jimmy has started "cranking". I'm not exactly sure how to define this but it's a whole different job that he has to do 12 hours on 12 hours off for about three months I believe. Right now, because he's the latest person to begin cranking, he's working in the scullery. He washes dishes. And he hates it. He says since he doesn't have to think about what he's doing, he's constantly thinking about how much he misses me and the kids. He's a sweetheart.

I mailed out this awesome birthday package for him! I mailed it to his friend that works in his shop, so Jimmy won't even know about it. It's basically a surprise party in a box. I made pineapple upside down cake in a jars & chex mix. Plus, there is a banner, some silly string, balloons, some gifts for jimmy, and other little things. He has no idea! I am so excited, I hope the party goes really well. This will be the second birthday in a row that Jimmy has spent on the ship, and I know it can't be great because he's not here with us, but hopefully it can still be a fun one.

Gosh, I've written a lot. Guess I should show you some pictures and then get my butt to bed!

Ready for Santa to visit!

Lookin' so handsome Christmas morning.

Santa brought roller skates...

& an awesome jumpy toy!

Jacob & Gabby hangin' out after Christmas dinner

Jeanette & Jacob

The beautiful Ms. Hayla & Audrey playing together

Jacob Playing

Jacob discovered his mirror while playing today & sat talking to his reflection for a good while. Ofcourse, as soon as I tried to get a video the batteries on the camera died.

He really doesn't need mistletoe to get lots of kisses! He's such a handsome li'l man!

No pictures of Audrey this post, poor girl is sick today. Not feeling well at all. Hopefully she'll have this bug out of her system by tomorrow. Christmas is only a few days away!

Crafts, Crafts, Crafts!

I finally got a pegboard up in my craft area. :-)

And I made this card today. What do you think?

I am so happy to have a more organized craft area. I'm currently working on a Christmas gift for a friend- a collection of various greeting cards! I hope she loves them all. She is a big card-giver. Her family jokingly calls her the "card lady", so I think she'll get some use out of them.

While I set up the peg board, Jacob played on the floor & Audrey jumped on my bed. I love those two kiddos.

Everytime Audrey comes in my room now she sits at my chair next to my table & says, "Want to make a craf, Mom?" :) She loves stamping & coloring & making beautiful pictures for her Daddy.

Thither's Visit

Candi got to come visit! We had such a wonderful time! The first day was spent making sweets, sweets, and more sweets! The second day was craft time. Candi started working on some really great looking stool cushions for her boyfriend's Christmas gift, & I puttered about with different things. I made a hair tie full of ribbons for Jenay, in her school colors. Then I made two felt ornaments for Dad and Mamma Tracy. The next day we mailed out a package to them full of sweets and little presents, then we went to Seattle & took Audrey ice skating. She had so much fun! It was a blast. Afterward, we went out to eat & then to look at a Christmas light display right there by the restaurant. We had a very good time. Then the next day we lounged around & then had dinner at the hawaiian restaurant that Jimmy & I love. It was a wonderful visit, and I'm so glad Candi got to come.

A long overdue update...

Time is very weird lately, crawling so slow one minute, and racing ahead the next. Audrey's 3rd birthday was just a few days ago. Her daddy was so sad he couldn't be here. He did get to call her that morning to wish her a happy birthday and talk to her for a few minute though, so we were grateful for that.

Thanksgiving just passed and it went alright. I missed my family very much, and remembered playing board games and eating my dad's turkey, the house full of relatives. It was always a little chaotic, which just added to the joy. This year I made sweet potato casserole & my neighbor made a turkey. We swapped food. It was nice to not have to cook a big meal and still get to eat some delicious turkey. We still have leftovers in the fridge, which is nice. Although it was a lonely holiday without Jimmy or any family members, it still went well. Audrey and I talked about all that we are thankful for, which is a whole lot.

Jacob is teething & handling it pretty well. He's just growing up so fast. He's so stinkin' cute, too. I just love how he grins at me from across the room when I'm cooking in the kitchen or sewing in the dining room. I can see his two little bottom teeth now when he smiles at me, and it's just the sweetest smile, melts my heart. He's going to be one handsome boy. Gets that from his handsome daddy. He's standing with support, sitting without, crawling, and saying syllables now (ga, ga, ga or da, da, da). Oh and he's 8 months old. Where does the time go? Before we know it we'll be planning his first birthday, which Jimmy will be here for. I'm excited for that.

Silly Girls Dancing

Some Pictures

We were just playin' in her room in these pictures. Daddy started trying to block the cat in the box by stacking the blocks up like a wall. Audrey helped.